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Everyone experiences conflict or has “beef” with another person from time to time. But what happens when we let our emotions get the best of us?
Netflix’s new road-rage dramedy, “Beef” – named after the slang for having a problem with another person; not the meat – is about the lengths people will go to when angry. In the age of distressing political arguments, viral Karen videos and ongoing mental health crises, it feels all too familiar.
Though characters in “Beef” sometimes take things to violent or criminal extremes, the messaging of the show resonates with audiences. In 2023, people are angry, fed up and looking for an outlet to let that all go.
Creator Lee Sung Jin previously told USA TODAY that rage is “the Trojan horse to explore this existential void that is in a lot of us, and in me. I continue to struggle with this hollow feeling. In the show, we repeat the line, ‘Nothing lasts, everything fades, we’re just a snake eating its own tail.’ Only in the last few years have I come to terms with the fact that this feeling may never go away.”
How can we work out these complicated feelings without hurting those around us? Experts explain.
It’s not just you – why more people than ever are feeling not OK
The premise of “Beef” was inspired by Lee’s own experience with a road rage incident – although his didn’t go to any of the incendiary, violent and illegal lengths “Beef” does.
Still, the show reflects a reality for many. Major issues including COVID-19, racial trauma and job loss in the last few years have expedited stress, left people feeling threatened and further incited conflicts.
“When people don’t know how to cope with their stuff in a healthy way … they’re going to take out their emotions in unhealthy ways,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Angela Wu. “Imagine not feeling safe psychologically or emotionally: You’re going to see every little thing as a threat and feel the need to defend and protect yourself, and that’s when a lot of anger can come out.”
Why that viral, emotional church scene feels so cathartic
Star Steven Yeun (Danny) has earned praise since “Beef”s debut for his emotional performance in a scene from episode 3 set in church. His character faces serious life mental health issues and life challenges, and is apprehensive about returning to a place of worship. But he joins a service during a performance of a contemporary worship song and begins sobbing. Hard.
“This person has gone through so much,” Wu says of the character. “You see how difficult his life is … and then finally he has a space that is completely different, where there is no threat, it feels safe, people are welcoming. … The key is safety: Feeling like you’re not having to scan the room for any threats or have to hold it all together.”
Lee said he hadn’t seen Korean churches represented as a community hub in Western media, but felt it was the right setting for Danny to retreat to “in a time of need.” Finding ways to connect positively with others is an important step in emotional healing, experts say.
“One of the key symptoms of depression is isolation,” Wu adds. “If it’s not a whole group or community, start with one person you feel safe with. When you’re alone, you’re going to start to solidify those beliefs about yourself that just may not be true. And it can be dangerous when you start to isolate yourself even more.”
How to work with big emotions
Ideally, the time to work out internalized trauma, rage or other issues is before a person is compelled to act out in a way that might harm others.
But if you do find yourself in an incident like on “Beef” – maybe some honking, yelling or otherwise unkind thoughts toward a fellow driver – Wu offers these tips for de-escalating your own emotions in the moment:
- Take deep breaths. “If we’re not breathing, our body will think we’re in danger.”
- Connect with a trusted confidant. “Maybe phone a friend to distract yourself, especially if you know that you have the impulsiveness to do something. Relying on your support system through this time is important.”
- Choose an exercise to calm yourself. “Park somewhere and take a walk to cool down. And if you can’t do that, count to 10 breaths until you feel like you’re more regulated.”
More on ‘Beef,’ mental health and entertainment
Review:Netflix’s unhinged road rage drama ‘Beef’ is the best show to represent 2023
Spoilers! Got a ‘Beef’? Ali Wong, Steven Yeun on how Netflix series explores road rage-fueled obsession
More:Hollywood has a sordid history with portrayals of mental illness. It’s trying to do better.
And:Why that sudden ‘Succession’ death may have felt like real trauma
Contributing: Marco della Cava
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